Ridiculous Questions

Umut warned me. "Tonight we are celebrating my youngest uncle's birthday and when the older uncle shows up, just be ready. He is sure to ask you ridiculous questions."

So imagine my reaction when a 250 pound man with deep set eyes and a thick unibrow with hands larger than my face walked into the room. This uncle is also partially deaf so he shouts with a deep, gruff voice that makes Darth Vader sound like a little girl. I greet him and his wife and all 12 adults gather in the living room to talk.

Actually, 1 adult talks and the other 11 listen. This uncle is certainly the ring-leader of the family. Within minutes, Umut turns to me and with a look of pity says..."I told you his questions would be ridiculous. He is asking..."

1)"Michelle, what do you think of my wife?" (What?!? How in the world am I supposed to answer a question like that when 11 people, INCLUDING HIS WIFE, are all staring at me right now?) "She is very beautiful", I replied.

Of course, the "American bride" leads to the discussion of America, which "naturally" leads to the next ridiculous question.

2)"Michelle, do you know the history of the blue jean? Cowboys appear to be the 1st to wear jeans, but did they actually invent the blue jean?" (Is this a joke? Other than Fashion Merchandising students, does anyone know the answer to this question?) Rather than say I didn't know, I elaborated on the fact that jeans are made from cotton and cotton was a major industry in the South. Therefore, perhaps farmers invented the blue jean.

Okay, so I wasn't totally honest with him. But I was totally humoring myself as well as Umut with my answers. And for those who are curious, today I found this link: http://www.ideafinder.com/history/inventions/bluejeans.htm

The discussion on America continued and led to another uncle adding to the list of ridiculous questions.

3)"Michelle, I am afraid of flying. How many days would it take to sail from Turkey to America?" (Do boats travel that far other than Navy ships?) At this point, I just stared at Umut in total confusion, so he improvised the answer to this one and guessed, "I don't know. Maybe 40 days?". Funny thing is, Turkey feels about half way around the world and if the old saying is true (Around the world in 80 days), Umut is probably accurate.

Finally, the older uncle concluded the evening.

4)"Michelle, what percentage of men in America wear earrings?" (Let's see...add up all rappers & gangsters, professional athletes, college guys sowing wild oats, a portion of the gay & "metro" population plus a few guys who care about fashion and you get...) "10%."

Later that night, Umut and I began referring to him as "crazy uncle". Oh, and did I mention his name is Hüseyin? The nickname stays.